What Causes Low Self Esteem?
Let’s think about what causes low self esteem.
You can overcome it when you understand that having low self esteem is not your fault.
It is a learned behaviour that is usually caused by outside forces when you were very young and impressionable.
When low self esteem develops early, it can last a lifetime if it is not reversed. Many people do not even realize that they have low self esteem because the way they feel about themselves seems so normal to them. In some cases it is deeply engrained in families, communities or cultures.
There are many influences that can cause children to view themselves and their position in the world in negative ways. Some of these are more clear tan others and easily detected: a child who has been the victim of physical or sexual abuse, neglect, or frequent harsh punishment is likely to grow up experiencing low self esteem.
Other things are more subtle and harder to prevent. Being different can be enough to make a child develop low self esteem, especially if they are teased or bullied, or are the victim of prejudice. Feeling that they are not meeting standards set by their parents or peers (other children of their age) can lead to a feeling of being ‘not good enough’, which also causes low self esteem.
Here’s an interesting point that has come up from some research studies.
They have found that praise or criticism have a bigger effect on a child when the child is already in the frame of mind that relates: so a child will feel praised more deeply if she is already feeling good about herself, and she will feel criticized more deeply if she is already feeling bad about herself.
This means that one’s opinion of oneself – either positive or negative – is easily reinforced. We could almost say that low self esteem breeds more low self esteem.
But self esteem is not only affected by the feedback that we receive about ourselves. It is also closely related to how we have learned to feel about others. A person who has low self esteem will also be likely to have negative feelings about other people, including lack of trust.
This means that children can grow up with low self esteem if they see others around them being criticized heavily.
Living in an overly judgmental situation can also cause low self esteem, even if the judgments are from others, and not about ones self. A child who is taught that in general people are bad, may very well grow up believing that it is possible they are also a bad person.
On the other hand a child that grows up believing that it is not people who are bad, but only their behavior, is more likely to have a strong sense of self acceptance and esteem, as well as being less critical of other people.
So if you have kids or spend time around them, it is very important to think before you speak, to avoid saying anything to them that can cause low self esteem.